This week I had to reach out and get support. I found it very difficult to reach out even though I needed it. I had an idea that I was being a burden to other people. I made up a story that being a therapist I don't need support. And I made up another story that I only have a certain credit with people and I might use up the credit. When I finally did call or text my friends, having support and encouragement felt much better. I cried and screamed, it was such a relief to be held and share. I can see now how I limited myself with my stories.I guess there are some people who seek to much help, and there are some people who seek too little help. We have to be like Goldilocks, make sure we receive and seek just the right amount support. It is possible to receive too much support, in therapy vocab we call this in enabling. Enabling is when a friend or family member gives too much. An analogy that I use is it if you break your leg, it's really useful to have crutches for awhile, but after your leg heals you don't need to keep walking around with crutches all the time. After the support we can walk straight and strong.
We all need support, at some time or another in our lives. Why don't we reach out?I guess that there is a fear of being rejected. That might happen, or really the perception of rejection. If I ask a friend for help and they are too busy at that moment I might interpret that as rejection. Actually it’s their personal boundary for now. It’s possible to ask someone else. I encourage all my clients to reach out for support. Isolation is a terrible strategy to deal with overwhelming emotions. There are always people around who will hold for up when you’re sagging. As an optimist I believe that all humans have a desire to help each other. As a superoptimist I guess that supporting others is infectious and we can develop humanity by caring. So do the world a favour and ask for some care.
Published by: Jeremy Shub in Uncategorized